I cockslap morals
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
