Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
