what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
