i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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