After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
