SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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