my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
