I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
