Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize