Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
