It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize