Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
