I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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