I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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