she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
