And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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