Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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