I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
