I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Alive.
So much puke
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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