I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
