Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
