Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
