this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
