So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
