I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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