I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
