i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
