We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
