you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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