Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
