1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
