I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
