Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
