Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
