Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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