i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
