How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
