I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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