He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
