It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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