Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
