Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's blow job season.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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