i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
