His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
