still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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