Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize