Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize