I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
