For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
