Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
