Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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