What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
