pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
