I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
