I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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