smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
