WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
