she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
