Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
