All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
