what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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