can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
