Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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