can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize