my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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