I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
