Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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