would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
