that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
