we have pet lesbian snakes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
