I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize