Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
