No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
