Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
