going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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