Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm at about main and main street
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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