I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
