He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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