I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
