I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
