Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
