So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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