I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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