Do you still have your period?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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