I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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