While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
