we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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