I accidentally burped into my bong.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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