HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
