just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
