the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
