did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize