someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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