I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
