I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
