remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
What a dumb baby whore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
