I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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